Posts Tagged ‘Miami Dolphins’

NFL Preseason Mash Ups: AFC East Personas

Sunday, August 17th, 2014

by WingFan






Team: New England Patriots

Persona: George Clooney

GCIn the entertainment business, one marquee name deserves another.  The New England Patriots have won three Super Bowls in the new millennium and are considered by many to be the league’s most recent dynasty. The Clooney factor is as follows: their quarterback is golden boy Tom Brady, their first lady is Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen, and their head coach is master strategist Bill Belichick. Prior to the 2000s the claim to fame for the Patriots was nearly being shutout (scoreless) in the 1985 Super Bowl by the Chicago Bears.  Before the television show “ER”, Clooney’s claim to fame was his occasional appearance as Booker Brooks on the television show “Roseanne” – a role as line manager at Welman Plastics. Yeah, that’s basically a shutout.  Clooney landed “ER” and the Patriots landed Belichick. Both scenarios produced fertile ground from which success could blossom.

In 2001, “The Danny Ocean” days began.  Both Clooney and the Patriots rattled off a trifecta of blockbuster performances.  The Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001 and then back-to-back in 2003 & 2004. Clooney did Ocean’s Eleven and then came back with Ocean’s Twelve and Thirteen, leading 10 other all-stars like he was Tom Brady.  After winning three Super Bowls, the Patriots continued their winning ways by taking home eight more AFC East division titles in nine years, producing an undefeated regular season, and appearing in two more Super Bowls – though they lost both.  The Patriots and Clooney played some spy games too.  Clooney took on a controversial role in the suspense thriller Syriana while the Patriots took on a controversial role in “Spy Gate” – an NFL investigation into the Patriots practice of videotaping the opposing defenses’ hand signals and basically telling Tom Brady where to throw the ball next.

They’re cashing-in on the success, having some fun, and dating some models.  Tom picked up Gisele, and George picked up the rest.  Relationships with The Patriots and Clooney can be a risky proposition, as both of them tend to only date for a couple of years before they move on to another teammate.  The tabloids take their shots every now and then, but the Patriots and Clooney do a great job of keeping their private matters private.  Bill Bellichick is not only a master strategist, but he’s also a master at giving up zero information to the public. This talent is passed down to his team like a Jedi force.  Clooney is often found speaking more about his philanthropic work than his private life.  Clooney recently got married to a bombshell in England and the Patriots signed cornerback Darrell Revis, who plans on preventing bombs from shelling New England.  At some point, Gravity might bring them back down to Earth but for now they’re still chilling in the highest stratosphere.


Team: New York Jets

Persona: Nicki Minaj

NMHave you ever seen the way Nicki Minaj talks down to Mariah Carey on American Idol?  Me neither…but with a last name like “Minaj”, I would think she’d take a liking to the voluptuous Ms. Mariah.  The thought of a pop rapper talking down to a pop legend success is insane – that’s the NY Jets.  Seriously, Nicki is just starting to figure out what her worth is while Mariah knows exactly what her worth is – it’s measured by Forbes every year.  The Jets won Super Bowl III back in 1969, which does help to make them popular, but they’re no Mariah.  Unfortunately, one Super Bowl and a couple American Music Awards don’t really equal Mariah’s Five Grammy’s or The Patriots 3 Super Bowls!

So why do the Jets and Nicki feel so compelled to mouth off to George Clooney or Jay-Z like they’re Drake?  The simple answer is that trash talk comes with the territory.  Nicki talks big because that’s part of the Hip-Hop culture.  The Jets talk big because that’s part of the NFL’s culture.  For a deeper answer as it pertains to the Jets, you have to start by looking at the ownership and work your way down.  Jets owner, Woody Johnson, is relatively new to the NFL and he wants to own the back page of the NY Post – a space typically reserved for the biggest story of the day in NY sports.  Nicki Minaj wants to own social media like it’s the back page of the NY Post.  The NY Giants are often the subject of the back page headline and Woody wants to change that.  Nicki wants the headlines like Woody Johnson.  Aside from her music, she uses her choice in fashion to accomplish her goal.  Woody uses his choice in hiring to accomplish his goal.  Woody hired a foul-mouthed head coach named Rex Ryan and Nicki acquired some very bright outfits for the red carpet.

Rex Ryan’s dad was Buddy Ryan, former Philadelphia Eagles head coach – a man who encouraged fights among players on his own team.  Early on in Rex’s career with the Jets, he made headlines for his use of four letter words on HBO’s football reality show Hard Knocks.  Nicki made headlines early in her career for lyrics that crossed gender roles.  As they have matured, Nicki and Rex have started to tone down parts of their personality.  Nicki’s wigs aren’t from Crayola anymore and Rex seems like he opens a thesaurus every now and then.  Nonetheless, everyone is still left wondering if their bark is bigger than their bite.  Let’s just wait and see.

Team: Miami Dolphins

Persona: Lindsay Lohan

LLFlorida is not only home to the Miami Dolphins but it’s also home to Disney World – a place that’s great for the kids and a miserable parent trap for the parents.  Lindsay Lohan’s debut Disney film was called The Parent Trap.  A child actress could not ask for a more perfect company to work for than Disney.  The Dolphins could not ask for a more perfect season than their 1972 Super Bowl season.  Everything Disney created around Lohan was a win.  Every game the Dolphins played that year was a win.  In fact, the 1972 Dolphins are the only team in NFL history to win a Super Bowl after finishing the regular season undefeated.

For more than a decade Lohan and the Dolphins stayed in “The Magic Kingdom” – basking in the glow of their perfect worlds.  If Lindsay tried television, Disney made it work.  If she tried music, Disney made it work. The Dolphins drafted a legendary quarterback named Dan Marino and Marino carried the Dolphins like Disney carried Lohan.  If the Dolphins needed a first down, Marino made it work.  If they needed a big play, Marino made it work.  The Dolphins practically forgot about running the ball during Marino’s tenure, and still, Marino made it work.  Eventually, all good things have to come to an end, and so Lohan left Disney and Marino retired.  With NFL records for most passing yards and passing touchdowns in his career, Marino became arguably the greatest passer in the history of the game.

After the Disney era, it was bye-bye Fantasy Land for Lohan and the Dolphins.  Since Marino retired in 1999, the Dolphins have experimented with nineteen different quarterbacks – still searching for their next Cinderella.  We’re not sure how many different substances Lohan’s experimented with over the past decade, but the story is the same – still searching.  A consequence of losing a great quarterback is usually the loss of a team leader. The Dolphins substitute leaders recently came under fire when Jonathan Martin, a second year offensive lineman, quit the team because of unprecedented abuses including bullying and hazing.  Without Disney’s guiding light, Lohan has been arrested and placed in rehabilitation clinics for her substance abuse issues.  One thing is for sure; it’s time for Lohan and the Dolphins to finally grow up and get it together.


Team: Buffalo Bills

Persona: Billy Bob Thornton

BBTIt’s hard to argue with a name like Billy Bob in a city like Buffalo, NY.  The Buffalo Bills are as close to a small town team as there is in the NFL and Billy Bob is as close to a small town ego as there is in Hollywood.  Buffalo is still a pure sports city: pure fans that like pure football and appreciate pure sportsmanship.  Billy Bob is an acting purist who has always sought to be the “anti-film” actor, rarely accepting the blockbuster role.  Steering clear of major headlines associated with O.J. Simpson (an iconic member of the 1970’s Buffalo Bills who was the pride of the city until his life fell apart) is testimony to the Bills’ belief in keeping their team as pure as the snow of a Buffalo winter.

Eventually Billy Bob and the Bills found their way into the heat of the spotlight. We’ll call this “The Angelina Era”.  Billy Bob married one of Hollywood’s elite, Angelina Jolie.  The Bills entered their “Angelina Era” in 1991 when they made it to their first Super Bowl, only to lose to the NY Giants in the closing seconds of the game on a missed field goal by the infamous Scott Norwood.  Somehow Billy Bob and the Buffalo Bills are defined by this era despite their disdain for definition. Some of Billy Bob’s biggest acting jobs came while he and Angelina were swapping blood and getting matching tattoos.  Some of the Buffalo Bills best players competed and became legends during their Angelina Era (1991-1995) as they made it to the Super Bowl four straight years. Four consecutive Super Bowls is a unique distinction, both because no other team has ever duplicated the feat, and also because no other team has ever lost four straight times.  The agony of losing four straight Super Bowls could only be matched by the agony of Angelina Jolie divorcing you and marrying someone like Brad Pitt – you’re just never the same after that.

Billy Bob has vowed to never marry again and he hasn’t really been able find another role as pure as Monster’s Ball or as purely comedic as Bad Santa.  The Buffalo Bills lost all of their Hall of Fame talent after the Angelina Era: pure competitors like Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Darrell Talley, and Andre Reid (look them up).  There is promise though…Billy Bob is dating a beautiful woman and fathered a daughter while the Buffalo Bills have drafted stand out quarterback EJ Emanuel and top wide receiver Sammy Watkins.  Sometimes it’s not about replacing what you had, it’s about moving on without it.


Wingfan, for War Room Sports

2012 NFL Rookie QB’s: A Class to Remember?

Monday, November 5th, 2012

by Ron Glover





From left to right: Russell Wilson (Seahawks), Robert Griffin III (Redskins), Andrew Luck (Colts), Brandon Weeden (Browns), and Ryan Tannehill (Dolphins).
(Photo courtesy of

What will we be saying about the 2012 Rookie quarterback class in 5-7 years? (Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III, Brandon Weeden, Ryan Tannehill, Russell Wilson, and Nick Foles)?

(Photo courtesy of


Ron Glover of The Starting Five, for War Room Sports

NFL Week 14 Open Letters

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Grow up DeSean

Dear DeSean Jackson:

Although I love that fact that you are probably the fastest thing on two legs and that you are an employee of my team, The Philadelphia Eagles, I would totally appreciate it if you grow up.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about celebrating on the field when you’ve just ran, what 81, 91 yards for a touchdown, but seriously, the falling back in the end zone?  I mean seriously?  Just play the game.  Not too long ago you weren’t really doing anything on the field.  You dropped passes, missed routes, you even got called out by your coach.  Look, I love your explosiveness, I even love your attitude (even when it’s funky), but you need to calm down on the excessive celebration (which cost your team 15 yards) and get down to business.  It’s funny because I said to my boyfriend, “what happens if the defense goes out and gets an interception or a fumble and he’s over there on the sidelines needing oxygen, falling all over the ground?  What he is going to do then when he has to go back out there?”  Low and behold the defense does their job and gets a turnover.  Now you have to go out there gassed with rubber legs, all because you wanted to be a highlight on SportsCenter.  Well I’m here to tell you DeSean, you want to get big boy money then start acting like a big boy.

Brady's Mop

Dear Tom Brady:

Everybody else may be sniffing your jockstrap, but not me.  I don’t like you.  Sure you’re breaking records, yes you are probably going to win MVP, it’s most likely that you’ll even go to the Super bowl and win, because apparently the who’s who in the sports world think so.  Well I don’t care, I still don’t like you.  I don’t like your uniform, I don’t like your smile, and I don’t like your wife or even your silly haircut.  You have everybody else fooled, thinking you are the ultimate golden boy, but you can’t be this perfect, nobody is.  Yes I may just be angry because my team can’t have the amount of success that your team has, but I don’t care, I still don’t like you.  You may be the best there is, but I can’t jump on the wagon.  I won’t jump on the wagon.  Maybe it’s because you won’t cut that mop upon your head because your wife said so, but when you were thanking everyone under the sun after the Thanksgiving game against the Lions, you could barely remember you had one.  Or maybe it’s because you bitch and moan when a defender touches you with the tip of his finger.  I don’t know what it could be, but I just don’t like you.

There's no pouting in football Mark

Dear Mark Sanchez:

Pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself off, look yourself in the mirror and say “I am a NFL Quarterback.”  You are on the verge of becoming a joke.  You know how many 23-year-olds would kill to be you?  Stop pouting and get your head in the game.  You have ups and you have downs, that’s how the game goes.  Sunday, versus the Dolphins, you looked so defeated and you did it to yourself.  Your teammates look to you to be a leader.  If you want to be considered an upper level QB, then you need to become the presence on the field that you’ve been conditioned to be.  No longer can you fall upon the sword of novice because you are now a veteran.  Look at your mistakes and learn from them or you will become just another overrated wanna be quarterback who never lived up to the hype.

Stephanie C. Curry, Guest Blogger for War Room Sports