Posts Tagged ‘Buffalo Bills’

NFL Preseason Mash Ups: AFC East Personas

Sunday, August 17th, 2014

by WingFan






Team: New England Patriots

Persona: George Clooney

GCIn the entertainment business, one marquee name deserves another.  The New England Patriots have won three Super Bowls in the new millennium and are considered by many to be the league’s most recent dynasty. The Clooney factor is as follows: their quarterback is golden boy Tom Brady, their first lady is Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen, and their head coach is master strategist Bill Belichick. Prior to the 2000s the claim to fame for the Patriots was nearly being shutout (scoreless) in the 1985 Super Bowl by the Chicago Bears.  Before the television show “ER”, Clooney’s claim to fame was his occasional appearance as Booker Brooks on the television show “Roseanne” – a role as line manager at Welman Plastics. Yeah, that’s basically a shutout.  Clooney landed “ER” and the Patriots landed Belichick. Both scenarios produced fertile ground from which success could blossom.

In 2001, “The Danny Ocean” days began.  Both Clooney and the Patriots rattled off a trifecta of blockbuster performances.  The Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001 and then back-to-back in 2003 & 2004. Clooney did Ocean’s Eleven and then came back with Ocean’s Twelve and Thirteen, leading 10 other all-stars like he was Tom Brady.  After winning three Super Bowls, the Patriots continued their winning ways by taking home eight more AFC East division titles in nine years, producing an undefeated regular season, and appearing in two more Super Bowls – though they lost both.  The Patriots and Clooney played some spy games too.  Clooney took on a controversial role in the suspense thriller Syriana while the Patriots took on a controversial role in “Spy Gate” – an NFL investigation into the Patriots practice of videotaping the opposing defenses’ hand signals and basically telling Tom Brady where to throw the ball next.

They’re cashing-in on the success, having some fun, and dating some models.  Tom picked up Gisele, and George picked up the rest.  Relationships with The Patriots and Clooney can be a risky proposition, as both of them tend to only date for a couple of years before they move on to another teammate.  The tabloids take their shots every now and then, but the Patriots and Clooney do a great job of keeping their private matters private.  Bill Bellichick is not only a master strategist, but he’s also a master at giving up zero information to the public. This talent is passed down to his team like a Jedi force.  Clooney is often found speaking more about his philanthropic work than his private life.  Clooney recently got married to a bombshell in England and the Patriots signed cornerback Darrell Revis, who plans on preventing bombs from shelling New England.  At some point, Gravity might bring them back down to Earth but for now they’re still chilling in the highest stratosphere.


Team: New York Jets

Persona: Nicki Minaj

NMHave you ever seen the way Nicki Minaj talks down to Mariah Carey on American Idol?  Me neither…but with a last name like “Minaj”, I would think she’d take a liking to the voluptuous Ms. Mariah.  The thought of a pop rapper talking down to a pop legend success is insane – that’s the NY Jets.  Seriously, Nicki is just starting to figure out what her worth is while Mariah knows exactly what her worth is – it’s measured by Forbes every year.  The Jets won Super Bowl III back in 1969, which does help to make them popular, but they’re no Mariah.  Unfortunately, one Super Bowl and a couple American Music Awards don’t really equal Mariah’s Five Grammy’s or The Patriots 3 Super Bowls!

So why do the Jets and Nicki feel so compelled to mouth off to George Clooney or Jay-Z like they’re Drake?  The simple answer is that trash talk comes with the territory.  Nicki talks big because that’s part of the Hip-Hop culture.  The Jets talk big because that’s part of the NFL’s culture.  For a deeper answer as it pertains to the Jets, you have to start by looking at the ownership and work your way down.  Jets owner, Woody Johnson, is relatively new to the NFL and he wants to own the back page of the NY Post – a space typically reserved for the biggest story of the day in NY sports.  Nicki Minaj wants to own social media like it’s the back page of the NY Post.  The NY Giants are often the subject of the back page headline and Woody wants to change that.  Nicki wants the headlines like Woody Johnson.  Aside from her music, she uses her choice in fashion to accomplish her goal.  Woody uses his choice in hiring to accomplish his goal.  Woody hired a foul-mouthed head coach named Rex Ryan and Nicki acquired some very bright outfits for the red carpet.

Rex Ryan’s dad was Buddy Ryan, former Philadelphia Eagles head coach – a man who encouraged fights among players on his own team.  Early on in Rex’s career with the Jets, he made headlines for his use of four letter words on HBO’s football reality show Hard Knocks.  Nicki made headlines early in her career for lyrics that crossed gender roles.  As they have matured, Nicki and Rex have started to tone down parts of their personality.  Nicki’s wigs aren’t from Crayola anymore and Rex seems like he opens a thesaurus every now and then.  Nonetheless, everyone is still left wondering if their bark is bigger than their bite.  Let’s just wait and see.

Team: Miami Dolphins

Persona: Lindsay Lohan

LLFlorida is not only home to the Miami Dolphins but it’s also home to Disney World – a place that’s great for the kids and a miserable parent trap for the parents.  Lindsay Lohan’s debut Disney film was called The Parent Trap.  A child actress could not ask for a more perfect company to work for than Disney.  The Dolphins could not ask for a more perfect season than their 1972 Super Bowl season.  Everything Disney created around Lohan was a win.  Every game the Dolphins played that year was a win.  In fact, the 1972 Dolphins are the only team in NFL history to win a Super Bowl after finishing the regular season undefeated.

For more than a decade Lohan and the Dolphins stayed in “The Magic Kingdom” – basking in the glow of their perfect worlds.  If Lindsay tried television, Disney made it work.  If she tried music, Disney made it work. The Dolphins drafted a legendary quarterback named Dan Marino and Marino carried the Dolphins like Disney carried Lohan.  If the Dolphins needed a first down, Marino made it work.  If they needed a big play, Marino made it work.  The Dolphins practically forgot about running the ball during Marino’s tenure, and still, Marino made it work.  Eventually, all good things have to come to an end, and so Lohan left Disney and Marino retired.  With NFL records for most passing yards and passing touchdowns in his career, Marino became arguably the greatest passer in the history of the game.

After the Disney era, it was bye-bye Fantasy Land for Lohan and the Dolphins.  Since Marino retired in 1999, the Dolphins have experimented with nineteen different quarterbacks – still searching for their next Cinderella.  We’re not sure how many different substances Lohan’s experimented with over the past decade, but the story is the same – still searching.  A consequence of losing a great quarterback is usually the loss of a team leader. The Dolphins substitute leaders recently came under fire when Jonathan Martin, a second year offensive lineman, quit the team because of unprecedented abuses including bullying and hazing.  Without Disney’s guiding light, Lohan has been arrested and placed in rehabilitation clinics for her substance abuse issues.  One thing is for sure; it’s time for Lohan and the Dolphins to finally grow up and get it together.


Team: Buffalo Bills

Persona: Billy Bob Thornton

BBTIt’s hard to argue with a name like Billy Bob in a city like Buffalo, NY.  The Buffalo Bills are as close to a small town team as there is in the NFL and Billy Bob is as close to a small town ego as there is in Hollywood.  Buffalo is still a pure sports city: pure fans that like pure football and appreciate pure sportsmanship.  Billy Bob is an acting purist who has always sought to be the “anti-film” actor, rarely accepting the blockbuster role.  Steering clear of major headlines associated with O.J. Simpson (an iconic member of the 1970’s Buffalo Bills who was the pride of the city until his life fell apart) is testimony to the Bills’ belief in keeping their team as pure as the snow of a Buffalo winter.

Eventually Billy Bob and the Bills found their way into the heat of the spotlight. We’ll call this “The Angelina Era”.  Billy Bob married one of Hollywood’s elite, Angelina Jolie.  The Bills entered their “Angelina Era” in 1991 when they made it to their first Super Bowl, only to lose to the NY Giants in the closing seconds of the game on a missed field goal by the infamous Scott Norwood.  Somehow Billy Bob and the Buffalo Bills are defined by this era despite their disdain for definition. Some of Billy Bob’s biggest acting jobs came while he and Angelina were swapping blood and getting matching tattoos.  Some of the Buffalo Bills best players competed and became legends during their Angelina Era (1991-1995) as they made it to the Super Bowl four straight years. Four consecutive Super Bowls is a unique distinction, both because no other team has ever duplicated the feat, and also because no other team has ever lost four straight times.  The agony of losing four straight Super Bowls could only be matched by the agony of Angelina Jolie divorcing you and marrying someone like Brad Pitt – you’re just never the same after that.

Billy Bob has vowed to never marry again and he hasn’t really been able find another role as pure as Monster’s Ball or as purely comedic as Bad Santa.  The Buffalo Bills lost all of their Hall of Fame talent after the Angelina Era: pure competitors like Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Darrell Talley, and Andre Reid (look them up).  There is promise though…Billy Bob is dating a beautiful woman and fathered a daughter while the Buffalo Bills have drafted stand out quarterback EJ Emanuel and top wide receiver Sammy Watkins.  Sometimes it’s not about replacing what you had, it’s about moving on without it.


Wingfan, for War Room Sports

T.O………….Your Life is Calling You!

Wednesday, August 15th, 2012

By LeRoy McConnell III

Hey T.O. it’s me, your Conscience!  The Ghost of T.O. past, present, and future awaits us!  Terrell, someone asked how you were doing these days and you politely told them, “I’m in hell.”  Now how could that be?  You are T freaking O! 
Shall we stroll down memory lane?  We beat the odds getting to the NFL in the first place!  We were able to observe the legendary work ethic from the greatest wide receiver in NFL history, Jerry Rice.  We lasted 15 seasons, been one of the top receivers in the game for over a decade, and our career numbers will hold up against any receiver that has ever played in this league.  Where did we go wrong?  Why are we in such turmoil? 
_*The Ghost of T.O. Past*_
Let’s be quite frank Terrell; we $H*T on a lot of folks to get to this “hell” we find ourselves in.  Yes we did!  WE REALLY DID!  Since our memory is short, let us reflect on the past that may have led to our misery.  Remember when we, (I mean *you*) did all of those wonderful things to people!
Jerry Rice’s last home game as a 49er; you caught what was then an NFL record 20 receptions while Rice was on the field.  That was really the beginning of T.O. (me, me, me!).  Out with the old, in with the new, right?
How about Jeff Garcia?  You implied that he was gay in an interview!  Goodness, there was nothing I could do to stop you from opening your mouth that day.  Twenty-four hours later, you typically denied ever saying it.
Standing on the STAR in Dallas!  I was telling you “NO, NO, NO”!  You did it anyway. Genius move!  I just wish I had gotten credit for that one.  When you did it a second time I could only shake my head, but it was still genius!
When you played with Donovan McNabb (then quarterback of the Philadelphia  Eagles), he had his best years as a quarterback when he was throwing you the ball on every down.  But you defecated on him by announcing to the world that he was tired and had poor conditioning during the Superbowl.  Your criticism of Donovan ended what could have been a dynamic duo.
The Dallas Cowboys, you remember them?  It seemed to be a perfect match even though the “Glorified Gym Teacher” (Bill Parcells) used to call you “The Player” instead of your real name or nickname.  (Now that’s funny)!  I truly believe you enjoyed playing with Romo.  You even shed a tear for him when he was accused of letting Jessica Simpson wreck the team!  That all changed in the last year of your contract when you decided to rip Romo because he was secretly designing plays and allegedly holding private meetings with Jason Witten.  But Terrell, you were still the man in Dallas.  You were getting your usual share of the ball despite leading the league in drops.  Why mess with what was working?  As in years past, our antics were no longer cute and we, I mean you, were no longer pursued by elite teams.  You were only getting one year deals from Buffalo and Cincinnati.   

_*The Ghost of T.O. Present*_

Why are we “in hell”?  It has been a difficult year.  For the first time in 15 years we didn’t lace ’em up for any team in the NFL, because of an ACL tear in our knee.  What made matters worse was the fact that our injury happened right before a lockout year.   

We held a televised mini combine in October.  Not one NFL team showed up for our workout.  Let’s stay positive.  When they see the footage, word will get out that we are as healthy as ever.  Soon the phone will begin to ring.  All we have to do is be patient.

The Ghost of Present has to intervene.  Terrell, at age 38 and coming off major knee surgery, we are still a top 20 NFL receiver.   Why didn’t we get a call?  Has father time set in finally?  Is this the time NFL teams are going for a youth movement?  We can still play this game, can’t we?  T.O., is it possible that we are beingblack-balled” by the league now?  I wonder if Barry Bonds has the same questions about baseball.  Has the way we treated people our whole career finally caught up with us?  I think we really left a bad taste in all of our employers’ mouths.  The NFL world revels in the fact that we have been unemployed for so long (until recently) and that our reality T.V. show has failed.  

“In hell” as you say?  Is it because we are foolishly wasting our fortune?  The media is dragging our good name in whale dung by helping these gold-digging females who demand $44,000 a month in child support…. $44,000 a month………Are you kidding me?!?!?!  Yeah, I guess you are right, we are “in hell”!  Did we learn anything by spreading our seed all over this country?  I guess one part of our body was HARD-headed!  A true friend would have advised us to get a vasectomy!  A vasectomy would have kept a lot of money in our pockets.  Paying for all these unwanted kids with these devouring lottery ticket holders who we don’t want any relationship with was stupid!  FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU!  FOOL ME THREE TIMES, SHAME ON ME!

Why are we “in hell”?  Eighty million dollars not accounted for!  Bad investments, giving to four different charities every month (baby mamas).  I thought we had trustworthy people watching over our money!  Why weren’t we more careful about our money?  Should we have buried wads of cash in our backyard?  How many stories do we hear about dumb ass athletes who become broke five years after their career is over?  It could not possibly happen to us.  We are T freaking O right?!  

 _*The Ghost of T.O. Future.*_

We are “in hell”.  I don’t like the sound of that; it’s easy for us to give up.  We have tried twice to put an end to us in the past (despite my publicist saying we had “25 million reasons to live”).  Thank the Lord he did not take us.  Let’s look at the positives:  We bought into an arena team called the Allen Wranglers.  Our game plan was to get our legs back.  There would be game film for the NFL to see that we are ready for the upcoming season.  When the phone rings, our next employer will see how our attitude has changed.  We will be contrite, and be thankful for any opportunity that awaits us.  Seattle, HERE WE COME!!! 

There is life after football Terrell.  Believe it or not we are close to the end and even though we haven’t prepared ourselves very well, there is a bright future ahead of us.  First off, we are good looking with a million dollar smile.  We will always find a way to make money.  There will be modeling and acting opportunities.  We can host our own radio or television show.  Heck if Keyshawn Johnson, Michael Irvin, or even Chris Carter can be an NFL analyst, I am sure we can. 

The most important thing is to keep our faith.  We have a lot of living to do.  We are accountable for four children that need us and as ridiculous as the child support payments are, I’m pretty sure payments will go down once we are out of the league for good.  No more pointing fingers, we are the decision maker so let us make better choices.

Football has opened up plenty of doors for us so let’s walk through them and seize new opportunities.  Remember our motto, “I Love Me Some Me”!  
So “get your popcorn ready”!
LeRoy McConnell III of “A Fan’s Point of View”, for War Room Sports

Some athletes need to watch how they use Social Media!!!

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011