Who can forget that heart felt, tear-jerking, deep speech that had most of us staring at the ceiling a couple of months back? I’m talking about that Kevin Durant MVP speech in which he thanked his mother and called her “the real MVP”. In many Black households, the mother is the alpha and the omega. The father and the mother. She is the first to wake and the last to go to bed. A strong mother who does all is nothing new in the Black community. She is celebrated and in some instances, unappreciated. Yes, unappreciated and even blamed for the misfortunes of her offsprings. One of the worst cases is this despicable video being circulated on Facebook (Video at the bottom of the page). I came across the video a few weeks back and it left me outraged, but thought to let it go. Then it showed up a few more times on my newsfeed, and I decided to say something about it. In summary, the 7:02 minutes long video entitled, “Black Mother and Effeminate Black Sons”, stated that most black gay men become so due to the influence of a strong “masculine and overweight” single mother. If a black man was present in the household the result would be a heterosexual son. In The video we see a woman talking to her son about rape and the videographer says, “R-A-P-E…WTF?!!… As a result, some of them reject their masculinity altogether and embrace femininity”. Really?!!! Raping women makes one a straight man? How is teaching a son how to respect women emasculating? The video doesn’t stop there, as it continues to showcase many youngsters dancing and singing along to Beyonce and Rihanna, as further proof of the numerous gay youngsters, in an effort to add credibility to the point. In summation, the video states that homosexuality is a learned behaviour taught by the single and over-weight black mothers, with overbearing attitudes.
This whole topic had me thinking about this other related notion that I keep seeing and reading about. The notion that the media is emasculating the black man by putting black actors in dresses, with that movement being led by none other than Tyler Perry and Madea. Does seeing RuPaul in drag make a straight black man turn gay? Research has shown that homosexuality in males is partly genetic, with environmental and social factors playing part in determining sexuality; meaning a person can be born with a gay gene. However, who they are sexually attracted to is a whole different story. In other words, biological male homosexuals’ choice of mates is largely influenced by their surroundings. So in some ways, the maker of the video is right; nurture does play a role, but what about all of those strong successful heterosexual black males who come from a single parent home (usually a mother since she is always the one left to take care of the child when a deadbeat father vanishes without a trace). What about those gay sons like Magic Johnson’s and Cookie’s son “EJ”, who comes from a two-parent household? How does one explain their existence? The research on the issue of nature vs. nurture is unclear, and the author’s claim about single black mothers is even more equivocal, but since the research shows that social factors are definitely in play, isn’t the absence of a father more problematic than having a strong, over-bearing mother?
So in making this the fault of the over-weight, single black mother, why aren’t we addressing the elephant in the room? Where is the black father? Why let this woman birth these children, carry the burden of caring and providing for them, and then expect her to turn around and also teach them how to be men? How does a woman teach her son how to be a man? Why isn’t the absent black man taking responsibility for his duty as a father? These, the same men, who can’t be bothered to be fathers, are the same ones making such videos and denouncing the Single Black Mother. Why doesn’t the maker of the video call for a strong black household and family unit? Why blame the person who is doing the best they can against all odds? Are some black men so mad at black women for birthing them that instead of lending them a hand, they kick them while they are down? The problem is not the strong no nonsense black mother; the problem is the absence of a FATHER!!!!! Don’t want a dysfunctional son, don’t be an absent father.