By LeRoy McConnell III
Hey T.O. it’s me, your Conscience! The Ghost of T.O. past, present, and future awaits us! Terrell, someone asked how you were doing these days and you politely told them, “I’m in hell.” Now how could that be? You are T freaking O!
Shall we stroll down memory lane? We beat the odds getting to the NFL in the first place! We were able to observe the legendary work ethic from the greatest wide receiver in NFL history, Jerry Rice. We lasted 15 seasons, been one of the top receivers in the game for over a decade, and our career numbers will hold up against any receiver that has ever played in this league. Where did we go wrong? Why are we in such turmoil?
_*The Ghost of T.O. Past*_
Let’s be quite frank Terrell; we $H*T on a lot of folks to get to this “hell” we find ourselves in. Yes we did! WE REALLY DID! Since our memory is short, let us reflect on the past that may have led to our misery. Remember when we, (I mean *you*) did all of those wonderful things to people!
Jerry Rice’s last home game as a 49er; you caught what was then an NFL record 20 receptions while Rice was on the field. That was really the beginning of T.O. (me, me, me!). Out with the old, in with the new, right?
How about Jeff Garcia? You implied that he was gay in an interview! Goodness, there was nothing I could do to stop you from opening your mouth that day. Twenty-four hours later, you typically denied ever saying it.
Standing on the STAR in Dallas! I was telling you “NO, NO, NO”! You did it anyway. Genius move! I just wish I had gotten credit for that one. When you did it a second time I could only shake my head, but it was still genius!
When you played with Donovan McNabb (then quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles), he had his best years as a quarterback when he was throwing you the ball on every down. But you defecated on him by announcing to the world that he was tired and had poor conditioning during the Superbowl. Your criticism of Donovan ended what could have been a dynamic duo.
The Dallas Cowboys, you remember them? It seemed to be a perfect match even though the ”Glorified Gym Teacher” (Bill Parcells) used to call you “The Player” instead of your real name or nickname. (Now that’s funny)! I truly believe you enjoyed playing with Romo. You even shed a tear for him when he was accused of letting Jessica Simpson wreck the team! That all changed in the last year of your contract when you decided to rip Romo because he was secretly designing plays and allegedly holding private meetings with Jason Witten. But Terrell, you were still the man in Dallas. You were getting your usual share of the ball despite leading the league in drops. Why mess with what was working? As in years past, our antics were no longer cute and we, I mean you, were no longer pursued by elite teams. You were only getting one year deals from Buffalo and Cincinnati.
_*The Ghost of T.O. Present*_
Why are we “in hell”? It has been a difficult year. For the first time in 15 years we didn’t lace ‘em up for any team in the NFL, because of an ACL tear in our knee. What made matters worse was the fact that our injury happened right before a lockout year.
We held a televised mini combine in October. Not one NFL team showed up for our workout. Let’s stay positive. When they see the footage, word will get out that we are as healthy as ever. Soon the phone will begin to ring. All we have to do is be patient.
The Ghost of Present has to intervene. Terrell, at age 38 and coming off major knee surgery, we are still a top 20 NFL receiver. Why didn’t we get a call? Has father time set in finally? Is this the time NFL teams are going for a youth movement? We can still play this game, can’t we? T.O., is it possible that we are being “black-balled” by the league now? I wonder if Barry Bonds has the same questions about baseball. Has the way we treated people our whole career finally caught up with us? I think we really left a bad taste in all of our employers’ mouths. The NFL world revels in the fact that we have been unemployed for so long (until recently) and that our reality T.V. show has failed.
“In hell” as you say? Is it because we are foolishly wasting our fortune? The media is dragging our good name in whale dung by helping these gold-digging females who demand $44,000 a month in child support…. $44,000 a month………Are you kidding me?!?!?! Yeah, I guess you are right, we are “in hell”! Did we learn anything by spreading our seed all over this country? I guess one part of our body was HARD-headed! A true friend would have advised us to get a vasectomy! A vasectomy would have kept a lot of money in our pockets. Paying for all these unwanted kids with these devouring lottery ticket holders who we don’t want any relationship with was stupid! FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU! FOOL ME THREE TIMES, SHAME ON ME!
Why are we “in hell”? Eighty million dollars not accounted for! Bad investments, giving to four different charities every month (baby mamas). I thought we had trustworthy people watching over our money! Why weren’t we more careful about our money? Should we have buried wads of cash in our backyard? How many stories do we hear about dumb ass athletes who become broke five years after their career is over? It could not possibly happen to us. We are T freaking O right?!
_*The Ghost of T.O. Future.*_
We are “in hell”. I don’t like the sound of that; it’s easy for us to give up. We have tried twice to put an end to us in the past (despite my publicist saying we had “25 million reasons to live”). Thank the Lord he did not take us. Let’s look at the positives: We bought into an arena team called the Allen Wranglers. Our game plan was to get our legs back. There would be game film for the NFL to see that we are ready for the upcoming season. When the phone rings, our next employer will see how our attitude has changed. We will be contrite, and be thankful for any opportunity that awaits us. Seattle, HERE WE COME!!!
There is life after football Terrell. Believe it or not we are close to the end and even though we haven’t prepared ourselves very well, there is a bright future ahead of us. First off, we are good looking with a million dollar smile. We will always find a way to make money. There will be modeling and acting opportunities. We can host our own radio or television show. Heck if Keyshawn Johnson, Michael Irvin, or even Chris Carter can be an NFL analyst, I am sure we can.
The most important thing is to keep our faith. We have a lot of living to do. We are accountable for four children that need us and as ridiculous as the child support payments are, I’m pretty sure payments will go down once we are out of the league for good. No more pointing fingers, we are the decision maker so let us make better choices.
Football has opened up plenty of doors for us so let’s walk through them and seize new opportunities. Remember our motto, “I Love Me Some Me”!
So “get your popcorn ready”!