I never thought that I’d see another Eagles cornerback welcome the kind of egregious abuse that “Toast” Jenkins became famous for as he’d continuously relinquish huge passing plays to opposing receivers, shamelessly being burnt play after play. Just thinking about that bum incites a strange craving for scrambled eggs, Edd Hipps Turkey Bacon and butta…but I digress.
In a short period of time, Dimitri “Stir Fry” Patterson has cooked himself into the realm of 10th degree burnage reached only by the likes of his predecessor, the aforementioned, Mr. “Toast” Jenkins.
“Stir Fry” Patterson has showcased sloppy footwork, bad angles, deplorable judgment, just plain STUPID decision making, like giving a 10-yard cushion to a receiver standing on your teams 1-yard line, and routinely gets burnt like an albino without sunblock.
So Eagles fans, as you watch the Eagles games and start to feel a strange craving for shrimp fried rice, sushi or kung pao chicken, that’s not your stomach playing tricks on you…it’s the daunting presence of Dimitri “Stir Fry” Patterson resonating through your television screens. Don’t fight it, embrace it. You’re witnessing history. We haven’t seen anything like this in roughly 20 years…but if all else fails, arm yourself with a pair of sharp Chop Sticks and watch Dimitri Patterson get ferociously “stir fried”.
Paul “PJ” Johnson of The War Room, for War Room Sports